The Birthday Blues

Moods, moodboards and memories (and my fave reads from 2024)

Last year’s residency in Almería. A rock from my daily walks to the village that I christened ‘Ram Rock’

Listening to:

Before he’d even shown me this song a few months ago Aaron was like “I bet you’re gonna share this on your birthday” and a classic contrarian, I tried to resist but lo and behold here we are. Most of the photos included here are from the residency I did in Almería last year.

My stony bedroom with a view of Aguilón the mountain.

It’s not my birthday, but it was two days ago, and this year a big fat grey cloud came over me, and I felt very flat and sad. Despite being very well taken care of and given lots of love, an emptiness took hold. Having written here before about my birthday loving tendencies, this was new for me. Last year I woke up on my birthday in San Juan de los Terreros in my little stone bed chamber with the sun lighting up the view outside. I hadn’t told anyone at the residency and I spent most of the day walking, exploring and eating alone. That morning some flowers arrived from my parents, but went unnoticed at camp as they were packaged in a cardboard box. By late afternoon a woman arrived to the gate with a cake organised by Aaron, and this set some confusion in the place. Julia thought the cake was for Emily and prepared a gift for her. Aga came into the kitchen, saw me with the cake and said “It’s your birthday?!” Then word spread and we all ate some cake together. I felt it was probably weird, for me not to mention it at all, but also it had turned out just the way I wanted it to, letting the day unfurl and provide, motivated by curiosity and instinct without expectation.

Feliz cumpleaños, 2024 #33

This year I wanted to drive around the countryside, see the sea and do a walk. Maybe already my expectations were too high for the Irish climate. After a week of building, the clothes I had with me all had varying degrees of sweat-smell and paint stainage. I had one semi-presentable outfit that was no match for the lashing rain we were gifted on the day, so I was damp and muddy. Aaron offered up his runners as the mud had leaked into my decaying boots. I was treated to delicious sandwiches which we ate from the car looking out over the crisp waves of Inchydoney, the gleaming deep turquoise crashing from grey sky to white foam. I got lots of lovely messages from people. I got a rejection letter for a grant. I got a bag of coal so I could have a bath at home. I got a bounty of nice things, including some luxurious bath towels and a soft stripey turtleneck. I got a delivery of Prosecco from a faraway friend. Despite the roaring fire and immersion combo, I got a piddly bath of lukewarm water which I tried to romanticise but the cloud got darker. Then I got spoiled with two birthday cakes (!) and dinner with my parents. It was a good day. I felt loved. But also I felt pretty terrible, which continued all of yesterday. I just went with it, and prescribed myself a day of nothing.

Breithlá 2025 #34

I think building a cabin while trying to slowly move out of our house, keeping up with work and losing friends for greener pastures, all with a background of intense hellish world disorder is taking its toll. I love change, but this feels cluttered, long and overwhelming.

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance” - Alan Watts

Anyway, what I actually wanted to do here was share my Q1 moodboard and some faves from last year.

Q1 Moodboard feat. wood snakes, Duolingo, best friends, strong women, masks, Goya and some animal and animal-seeming things.

I love the idea of moodboards, and I’ve seen people do one for the month or the year. A monthly one is too much to keep up with and a yearly one is too far in advance to think about, so I will do quarterly collections. I had intended to make a wood snake shirt to ring in the Lunar New Year but I am already behind on those plans. Hopefully by Q2 I can share the finished piece with you.

Mine mounds, from silver and lead mining in the area.

Favourite books from last year:

Beloved - Toni Morrison

Intermezzo - Sally Rooney

Tracks - Robin Davidson

Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay and The Story of a New Name - Elena Ferrante

Enter Ghost - Isabella Hammad

The Manningtree Witches - A.K. Blakemore

Lapvona - Ottessa Moshfegh

My invocations for 2025:

Nip it in the bud

Keep it moving

¡Disfruta lo!

Cabo de Gato, where we discovered a (not so secret) hidden beach and Julia found a nice smelling herb.

The sun? Or the moon?

Thanks for reading. This didn’t turn out how I expected, but I’m embracing the chaos. Love xxxxxx